John and Jane are in a committed relationship for three years. For some reason, John goes out and has external affairs with another woman (or women). He gets found out by Jane. He is filled with regret and guilt, but somewhere lingering in his subconscious is the sense of entitlement to forgiveness, vindication and a continued relationship with his significant other.
Jane actually does “forgive” John and they maintain their relationship.
Three months later Jane cheats on John with Andrew, who is Jane’s good friend and co-worker. John “unintentionally” reads Andrew’s Facebook messages to Jane which alludes to Jane’s infidelity.
John breaks up with Jane two days later. Three weeks after the break up, John follows Andrew home and murders him. Two hours later John stabs Jane to death in her apartment.
John tries to kill himself but couldn’t muster up the courage to follow through with it.
Why are men more easily forgiven for cheating than women?
Maybe minus the murder, the phenomenon of women forgiving men but men not forgiving women for cheating is actually still common in this day and age. But why is that?
- Women have always heard rhetoric like “this is a man’s world”or “boys will be boys”, leading women (and men) to believe that men can get away with anything.
- Women with a father who cheated on their mother tend to be more tolerant of a husband cheating.
- If the man is the primary breadwinner or has the bigger pay check in a relationship, the woman also tends to be more tolerant of cheating. This usually occurs because societal norms dictate that men provide finance and other physical resources in a relationship, while the woman acts as his support system or his cheerleader. A study has proven that the more a man earns than his wife (or significant other), the chances of him cheating increases. It also proves that coupling with someone who has similar pay as you decreases the likelihood of infidelity.
- “Man hard to find. Where you gonna find another if you leave him?”… Women still think they need a man to feel complete, self assured, safe and stable in this world. And then, most countries have a high female to male ratio as males tend to die young. So, I guess you should just settle with what you have.
- “I’m a slave for you”… Society dictates the woman is to be submissive, cook, clean, take care of the offspring and provide the sex box (nookie/vagina/good good) for the man. So, women can sometimes feel responsible for their beau’s or husband’s infidelity as they may feel guilty for not fulfilling the role as the woman.
Why don’t men forgive women who cheat?
- Women are to be paragons of virtue and grace. Society has high standards for women, and I guess when standards are not upheld it is just unforgiveable.
- Men just can’t get over it. A man is very territorial of a woman’s body. I guess you should just accept that.
- His manhood is injured, his ego is bruised. His friends will think he’s a one minute man. Well, he and his friends don’t know that in most instances it’s not just about good sex. In most instances the woman just wants some attention and wants to be treated special.
To cheat or not to cheat?
No! I don’t recommend anyone cheat on their significant other. I am just a little irked over the gender bias when it comes to cheating. And don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to paint women as innocent victims or by-standers. Studies have shown that in modern times the infidelity rate in the female population is nearing that of male population.
Both men and women who have been the victims of infidelity feel equal hurt. They experience the same damage to their psyche, self esteem, heart and resources. So, I say to anyone who has been a the victim of infidelity: it is best to forgive the person… but you don’t have to keep the perpetrator in your life just because of the outdated, bogus norms society dictates. Maintain a relationship with the perpetrator only if you really want to and you think that is what is deserved.
Blogged by Gabrielle Beckford.
If you would like to contribute a blog post or post suggestions e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org.